nothing worse than cleaning vomit out of a car. well I was wrong.

Cleaning vomit out of my wife’s car is definitely worse.

We took it upon ourselves to drive a drunk coworker home. He got more drunk on the drive and SCAAAPLUUUSH! His face exploded into a violent dribble.

His dad met me at the office and we shoehorned him into dads brand new Toyota Highlander.

Windows down I sprint home.

I donned nitrile gloves and a headlamp and pulled the back seat interior apart. It was a choreograph of garden hose, sponges, towels, and impact driver. I got it down to metal and soaped the interior down. Thank goodness for leather seats!

I almost vomited a few times myself. And I shit you not, my cat jumped in the front seat and did that BLOOK BLOOK BLOOK sound that tells me instantly a hair ball is coming. It was half yoga move and that bullet dodge move you saw in the Matrix movie and I had that cat scooped up and chucking out a gray mass on the garage floor. It would have been cool, except I was yammering “no no no no” like a little girl while doing it.

It’s been a week and we can laugh about it now. The car smells and seems fine. Those expensive gel scent absorbers they sell that Bed Bath Beyond kick ass.

The kid bought me a huge gift card from a great restaurant. I can stomach food again. Yay.

We are now in the market for a new Camry!

 

Lol. Now that's some funny shit.

 

I once was taken home in an old YJ jeep and was in the back seat, my buddy was hanging his head out the window.

Me "Steve you're gonna puke"
Steve "nooooooo"
Me "Steve you're gonna puke!"
Steve " Noooooooooo"
Me "STEVE IM GONNA PUKE!"

I woke up in my bed the next morning to a 10am loud awakening. I was dragged to a car wash where I cleaned off FROZEN vomit (thanks canada winter) from the stupid Jeep.

Lesson.

Don't put really drunk people in 2 door vehicles. Give them a door and full window.

 

I worked at a car dealer detail shop for all of ten months (I left because, among other things, the flat rate pay system sucked). I was part-time and not a full detailer, so I never did the fresh trade-ins. Most of the time, we detailed brand new and used vehicles that people had just purchased. Occasionally, someone's shitty trade-in did was not worthy of being put back on the lot and resold. These were known as a "bid cars" and they ended up as such because they had really high miles and/or had some serious mechanical problem.

One time, I was assigned to detail a green 1999 Dodge Durango with almost 150,000 miles. It ran good enough, but it was falling apart. It was the middle of winter, but we had the heat cranked in the shop, so it was warm enough inside to see if the A/C worked. I turned on the air-conditioner, and amazing it seemed to blow cold! Older Durangos had shitty A/C...

So, it was just your typical shitbox trade-in, but then I flipped up the backseat and found one of the most disgusting things I'd ever found during my time there. This Durango had a beige leather interior, and I found a white stain that I initially thought was mold. I immediately got my supervisor, who took one look and told me I didn't have to worry about cleaning it. Pretty soon, everyone in the shop and even a salesman who'd come to pick up a new car was gathering around the green Durango to look at the so-called mold. One of my coworkers believed it was a sex stain (specifically jizz), and we determined that the previous owner's kid had probably spilled a milkshake or something. I still didn't touch it...

The second most disgusting bid car I ever detailed was a black 2010 Volkswagen Jetta wagon, black with the 2.5L gas engine and automatic. It was beat up, the A/C did not blow cold, and the interior was trashed. The back hatch also would not open. I found a rotten uneaten apple under the front passenger seat...

Then there was the 2007 Pontiac G6 that wasn't gross, but was interesting; When I went up to the body shop lot to retrieve the car, one of the front tires was flat. My supervisor drove it down to the detail shop on the rim and put air in the tire, and I drove it the rest of the time. The A/C in the G6 was not as cold as my Taco, but it did blow cold. It also had a a forgotten copy of The College Dropout in the CD player, which I kept and played in the truck on the drive home.

 

I just woke my girlfriend up laughing at this

 

Couple of years ago my buddies and I went to College Gameday at Northwestern when they were decent and playing Ohio State. Not one of us had ties to either school, just wanted to go to one. Decided it would be fun to get there early and pre drink at 6:30 am. No one ate breakfast (bad idea) and we were all hammered by the time the show began at 8 am. All we had was vodka and sprite and some beers. By noon we were gone. Almost all of us were puking out the windows of my buddies 4Runner. Vomit all over his doors, thankfully outside the doors. Go to car wash. The guy was like damn, mas cervezas last night? My buddy said nope, mas cervezas and vodka this morning.

 

I don't drink so I was always the DD with my friends.

My rule was I'll drive you anywhere without drama, but we drive your car and I get to choose the music. That way if something wonky happened, it wasn't in my car. I took the Top Gear approach and loaded up my iPod with random obnoxious music. Everyone got home safe, I ended up very entertained.

 

Just ordered a brand new carpet assembly and pad that goes under. Daughter spilled an entire 32 oz strawberry shake in the back of my third gen. Had to spend the weekend trying to find a video on how to do this not much help, so far half way there just need to remove the center console. Glad I'm replacing everything because the sugary drinkable it's way all the way under. Mess is cleaned up just need to pick up new carpet and pad. And remove center console and pull the front seats out. Sounds like alot of work for a little spill but it's a a fairly new truck don't want it to mold underneath.

 

I can relate

Back in my dealer day's, a few of us would hit a local watering hole after the auction and one
buddy hit the full mark and @ 70mph with a temp of -20F plastered the entire side of my
K-5 Blazer with about 100 miles on it, thankfully nothing got inside and it took over an hour
the next day to thaw and could be smelled through a good part of the shop.

The worse one I experienced was in 1983, for a few weeks a nice looking '78 Corvette
kept going through the shoot and I'm not a Vette kinda guy and certainly did not need
one for the lot took a peak inside and it was the nastiest smell even to this day !
When I pulled back four buddies were not only laughing but moving back as they thought
I was going to hurl. Turns out someone had passed away in it and it was sometime before
this was noticed. The ring guy later told me someone from out of state had spent close
to a grand detailing, carpet and re dying the leather and never could get rid of the smell.

 

My drunk friend (actually my drunk boss) story...

Several years ago the company I work for sent a group of us from So.Cal to a part of the country which had recently been hit by a Hurricane (I’m being intentionally vague, sorry). We worked 12 hour days, seven days a week making electrical bit in the city work again. Pretty much every night back at the Hotel was a drinking fest, although I don’t drink, Drunks tend to amuse me so I didn’t mind and I got good at driving guys to Target at 11 at night, breaking-up fights, etc.

One night we’d all been at a Bowling Alley. It was stupid late and I needed to be up in two hours for work (most everyone else in the group was off the next day). I was driving a crew-cab P/U, five guys in the cab, probably another four in the bed. My Boss was sitting in the seat behind me when he decides he wants a Happy Meal. I won’t stop because 1) Nothing is open this late at night 2) I was pissed as I’d wanted to be in bed by Midnight. I tell him all this, he responds he could fire me that way I could stop bitching about having to be up early for work the next day. I kept driving, unemployed or not I just wanted to go to bed.

The next thing I know he reached around my seat and covered my eyes with his hands, inadvertently poking one of my eyes with a finger. I swerved into an un-paved center median and skidded to a stop. We both fell out of the truck. I was seeing red (out of the one eye I could see out of) and he was laughing like an idiot. We loaded him into the back of the truck and I drove to the Hotel, the whole time questioning my present career choice.

I got-up the next morning, ran my crew all day then returned to the Hotel. Tired, sweaty, dirty and still pissed about the previous night. A minute after I walked into my room my boss walked-in (we had adjoining rooms and no working lock on the door). He looked like crap. Told me he didn’t remember much of what had happened the previous night but remembered standing on the side of the road listening to me yell at him and thinking it was hilarious but he didn’t know why. I told him why and he immediately apologized. We’ve been friends for a long time so that ended it. I gave him back the keys to his truck (which he thought I’d thrown on the roof, since that’s what I’d said the previous night I’d done with them) he left and I took a shower. When I came-out of the shower a bit later a Happy Meal was sitting on the table in my room LOL

 

awesome story...!!! great stories all around actually. hahhaha