Any Family lawyers out there? (Custody & Visitation)

Looking to be better prepared. None of this was done by a lawyer or court, just the mother and I, because we were pretty civil.

*I am an unmarried father who had a child out of wedlock.
*Been separated from mother for almost 6 yrs.
*Paid a verbally agreed upon amount for the entire time. I have kept all stubs.
*She is on my insurance since day 1. (daughter)
*I get my daughter every Wednesday and other weekend

Everything was fine (not happy with the visitation) but had to deal. Now the mom is getting married and her new husband is making waves and really pressing my buttons. I want to get things on paper and in a legal way.

 

You need to open the phone book and seek a local competent lawyer in your area. The laws vary from state to state and you're very likely to get bad information from random people in this thread.

 

I would agree but there are also often free clinics advertised through your local court house on "do it yourself" type divorces and custody agreements. Since you are under french common law you are not likely to get good advice from afar. Another option is to hire a mediator to hammer out the agreement and then submit it for approval in your local jurisdiction (parish).

 

I get all my legal advice from TW. Seriously, like mentioned above, call and get some consultation.

 

Agreed.

You might be able to use an arbitrator if everything is still civil between you and your ex. This way you both aren't out of legal fees. Just a thought.

Plus this time if you want it I would press for joint custody with you getting her one week and your ex the next. As long as one of the parents isn't a dead beat courts are doing this more and more instead of the every other weekend for the Dad.

Looks like the new guy might be thinking she can get more money from you if your situation goes legal. It's hard to say if you will end up paying more or less because I don't know what you pay now or how your laws are. In TN child support is determined by number of days one parent has the child more. By splitting the custody 50/50 this variable is removed from the equation. Then you go by the difference in salary, who ever makes more pays Child Support. Items like the child's insurance cost is also taken into consideration...if you agree to pay it will be deducted from the child support. This is just an example. Please talk to a lawyer.

Good luck to you and I'm sorry you have to deal with something like this during Christmas.

 

I have some lined up but I won't be able to see them until the up and coming week. I have a legal plan through my insurance at work. I am just looking for people that may have some pointers. You know those that have come before, with experience. Anything that will better prepare myself. The more I know the better I will feel and be when it is time. I have been on the net all day today with firms and learning terms for my state.

She won't do the arbitrator route I have tried for years. She wants to keep it verbal. I am also not sure how much longer civil will be possible as her new man has been texting me things to get me riled up. He is stirring the pot, luckily my hot head is better than it used to be. I am touchy when it comes to my daughter and he is playing into that.

She has my daughter more only because she won't let me get her more often.
I work 24hr call so this is also an obstacle I have to deal with. Which stops me from having my daughter every other week.

 

ok dude here's the skinny, DO consult a lawyer, have your questions ready, AVOID family court if at all possible, it's a broken corrupt system with an historical bias against men, if you can get her to sign a motion for formal visitation, good, but once in the court system you may end up getting your wages attached for child support (in Cali it's 20% pre-tax income). i would say engage the court system as an ABSOLUTE last resort. on the other hand, if you sue to formalize the visitation and get orders in hand, you can file them with the local police and use them as a civil standby if the problem is picking up your daughter. it's where the cops will do the exchange for you. the important part is your daughter's feelings, if anyone lies and BS's them the. children figure it out eventually and once the child becomes a teenager (by like 15 or so), the Court will formally recognize her wishes as to who she wants to stay with. PICK YOUR BATTLES CAREFULLY!!! think about what the long term goals are, smashing new hubby/jerk off with a hammer is a short term goal, trust me, iv'e done this! Remember dude, you are not alone, there are THOUSANDS of dads who have gone through the same thing you have (including me), my story is not the worst i've ever heard, but it's pretty painful and sad at times. From one dad to another, i support you dude, stay strong, always take the high road any contact me anytime if you want to talk.

 

As for the texting, call the fucking police, if he is making threatening texts, show that to he police

 

Damn this stuff gets my blood boiling, ok a few more thoughts/options. I would do three things right away, consult a lawyer, talk to your ex (with out the Jackwad around), tell her to put a leash on her bitch, and take the texts to the police. don't tell here that you are going to the police and avoid an incriminating answer when she asks "and if i don't, what are you gonna do?" i would just say "For our daughter, this has to stop" and leave it at that. take the texts to the police, tell them that dude is trying to push your buttons, show them the texts, say that you fear there will be violence if this keeps going and tell them that you want them to pay Dickless a visit and tell him to knock it off. get a police or an incident report out of the cops, anything in writing because it would be very useful if you want to file a civil restraining order on him. if he doesn't stop, keep a log of what he's doing and DO NOT instigate anything with him or threaten him, (ESPECIALLY ON A TEXT!!!). Let him hang himself. if you show up at the door (to pick up your daughter) and the idiot want s to show how he's a big man then leave immediately and call the cops, let them handle it, that's what they're there for.
and lastly, if your ex can't or won't get her bitch to heel, then she is part of the problem, if she wants to "keep things verbal" and still be a bitch then your decision may be made for you, you may have no choice BUT to file. She's playing you dude.

 

document EVERYTHING. Do NOT give the courts ANY reason to look at you in a bad way!

 

YES!!!! he is right!

 

I'm a California attorney, different state, but I'll give you some facts
of life about the family law system. I did some family law way back,
the facts of life haven't changed. Not legal advice, just facts of life.

1. Family law attorneys are usually paid by the hour. 25% are OK people,
75% aren't and will try to get you two to fight, lying or whatever.
The more you fight, the more they make. You have a job, you will
probably pay her attorney in the end, as part of the court order.

2. Whatever agreements you two have doesn't matter, the court will
do what is in the "best interest of the child", within accepted
guidelines, if she wants things changed. Your previous agreements
won't matter as to the future, relating to the child.

3. In California, your wages are attached, if she asks for it, period.

4. If you have a steady job, her attorney will be smiling.

5. She will be getting pressure from all sides to "go for the max". She will
easily get it from the courts.

6. My advice to you is be very, very nice to her. Don't give her any reason
to rationalize a war between the two of you.

7. In the end you have a 75% chance of things being a lot worse for you
in the future.

 

sad but true

 

My Blood is boiling just reading THIS!!

 

Unfortunately, everything he said is absolute truth, i went through all of the California Family Court system and experienced everything he said. as i said in an earlier post, court is the LAST resort, but you may be able to get her wing-nut to back off and butt out. as long as you document everything that is going on and you're not doing anything that will bite you in the ass further on down the road, you could try to get the police to back him off. a civil restraining order is not a bad idea either. you're in a tough spot because she can't or won't back him down. i disagree with the lawyer's post in only that it could be a situation where no matter how nice you are, at some point you may have no choice but to put your foot down.

 

To think that my brother got custody of his triplets and she is paying him pension... even though he makes more than her... I guess it all depends on your attorney, if you do get one.

 

This is exactly what I was looking for and unfortunately expecting to hear. Thanks all I'm sure i'll contact some in the near future for advice. As for now I have my daughter and we are just taking it easy enjoying the days.

Thanks again for the info.

 

X99999999999999999



Best of luck for things with you and your daughter.

 

X2

 

Sounds like so far your head is screwed on straight, lets keep it that way bro'. as mentioned you'd be better off consulting with a reputable attorney in your area, but I will say this (having been down the divorce/custody circus before) DON'T LET the new guy get to you , what he says or thinks is of no relevance to you & legalities involving your daughter, let him sqwauk away & you hold your tongue (I know its hard)Trust me , this shit snowballs real quick & the courts are looking for mature, caring,competent parents, let this be YOU, & good luck buddy !!